expert wasted entire life studying anteaters - youtube
Bookmarked 148 weeks ago
today now host jim haggerty consoles a severely depressed zoologist on the latest critter corner installmentmore coverage at: http:onioncom

social security reform bill encourages americans to live faster die younger - youtube
Bookmarked 254 weeks ago
the new law will remove restrictions on cigarettes drugs and alcohol as well as provide tax incentives for seniors who bungee jump off of cliffs

patriotic teen fails spanish
Bookmarked 782 weeks ago
jean anne whorton goes beyond the facts talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his spanish vocabulary

fda official: quotjust eat a goddamn vegetablequot
Bookmarked 776 weeks ago
during the daily briefing tucker hope reports that the fda is urging americans to put something green in their dumb mouths

psa: ben stiller speaks out against shaken manchild syndrome
Bookmarked 783 weeks ago
more coverage of shaken manchild syndrome on onion news network friday at 109c on ifc actor ben stiller urges parents with adult kids still living at home to think twice before shaking their manchildren in frustration

boy loses leg in totally awesome shark attack
Bookmarked 734 weeks ago
on today now jim and tracy talk to an 11-year-old who had his leg gnawed off by a cool-as-hell shark aired 10411

newsblitz: senate session interrupted by wailing of ted kennedy039s ghost
Bookmarked 733 weeks ago
ted kennedy039s crying ghost disrupts congress and a pilot crashes in the kardashian wilderness in today039s newsblitz

onn investigates americans with hateful faces video
Bookmarked 754 weeks ago
the season two premiere of the onion news network was all about the end of the world but that didn

judge rules white girl will be tried as black adult
Bookmarked 737 weeks ago
the court ruled a white teen who stabbed a classmate to death will face the jury as a 300-pound black man onion news network fridays at 109c on ifc

breaking story so new reporter literally has no information
Bookmarked 716 weeks ago
on quotraw storyquot o039brady shaw investigates what may have been a shooting at a local mall or may have been something else altogether aired 11111subscribe to the onion on youtube: http:bitlyxzrbualike the onion on facebook: http:wwwfbcomtheonionfollow the onion on twitter: http:wwwtwittercomtheonion

sony releases stupid piece of shit that doesn039t fucking work
Bookmarked 714 weeks ago
our tech trends reporter looks at the new gizmo sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking tv box things

in freak accident 34 katherine heigl films released at once
Bookmarked 781 weeks ago
the nation is still reeling from accident at sony pictures which unleashed dozens of films starring the irritating actress on an unsuspecting public

search crews continue to look for obviously dead hikers
Bookmarked 720 weeks ago
autistic reporter michael falk questions the logic of continuing to look for a group of lost hikers who clearly are no longer alive aired 102511subscribe to the onion on youtube: http:bitlyxzrbualike the onion on facebook: http:wwwfbcomtheonionfollow the onion on twitter: http:wwwtwittercomtheonion

high unemployment rate linked to one man with 42000 jobs
Bookmarked 718 weeks ago
a recent report finds that one man is selfishly working thousands of jobs while other americans go without even one aired 102511subscribe to the onion on youtube: http:bitlyxzrbualike the onion on facebook: http:wwwfbcomtheonionfollow the onion on twitter: http:wwwtwittercomtheonion

medium channels the spirits of old acquaintances for awkward small talk
Bookmarked 722 weeks ago
psychic kenneth quinn connects today now studio guests with former landlords and friends of work friends who have died for stilted conversations from beyondsubscribe to the onion on youtube: http:bitlyxzrbualike the onion on facebook: http:wwwfbcomtheonionfollow the onion on twitter: http:wwwtwittercomtheonion